"Romantic Night"

I have no one to talk to. Evan is passed out on my bed still in his clothes. He is snoring while I am sitting here at my desk. It is friday night, the night of his 19th birthday. A complete bust of what I planned to be a perfect romantic evening for us. I cleaned the room like mad, cleaned and washed myself over and over again, meltally prepared myself to loose virginity. I wanted it to be special, i bought beautiful candles, and music from Sarah Mc was ready. I bought whip cream for us to play with. strawberry daquirris maybe. We have condomns, lubricant, everyone one would need. I cut the bush today and took extra care in making my bed, with clean, pure white sheets. As I ran my hand across these sheets I felt nastalgic. Oh the many days of being of virgin. I would be changed forever. I did my makeup, my hair, wore my cutest clothing and planned a night of fun for his birthday player laser tag and then going to college town bagels. the night wasn't perfect from the start. none of evan's friends went to play laser tag, people that were invited that did not come (so that they could go to a disco party at the suite-surprise, surprise) It's ev's birthday!--I couldn't believe it, it makes me sick!

All week i've been writing a personal essay about my feelings from the fall break trip to jess's house. How I realized that I didn't really like to drink and how I felt like an outsider when I was the only one not drinking. well tonight evan got drunk and he was the only one, and I was embarressed in front of my friends and strangers at college town. He acted childish and I just felt like we couldn't communicate intimetely at all. He just wanted to have fun, but I hate that he went overboard with alchohol. It ruined the romantic night I had planned. I feel so far away from him. He is dreaming and I am staring at a computer screen. Romantic Night!